You Know You’re a Yankee When – Jokes #1

You know you’re a Yankee if –

The farthest south you’ve been is the hat department at Macy’s.

You have a panic attack when someone talks to you on the subway.

You don’t know what Grits are.  (Even though they originated in New England.)

You think a Pole Cat is a dude that was born in Poland.

You have to get the last word in.  And it normally has 4 letters in it.

The last time you smiled was when you cut off an elderly woman in traffic.

You don’t wave back at people.  And your confused at why they would wave at you.  Some type of greeting perhaps?

Half of your vocabulary is made up of curse words.

You don’t think any of the jokes on this site are funny.

You own a collection of sweaters for your dog.

You eat fried chicken with a knife an fork.

The state you were born in or live in participated in the war of northern aggression.

You have never driven anywhere without using your horn.

You don’t understand why people in restaurants don’t talk as loud as you.

You consider being polite a weakness. 

You’ll hang up on someone but be offended if anyone turns their back to you.

You have no WD-40 or Duct Tape at your home.

You pull over to look at farm animals.

You think a Yankee is a baseball player.

Your son turns down an offer to drive for NASCAR to go to law school.

You call a single family home on a half acre a ranch.

You can’t do your laundry because you ran out of quarters.

All of your friends have only one first name.

It makes you angry that your parents are still alive.  And your kids feel the same way.

You buy an expensive car and then park it on the street.

You have had to ask a homeless person to wake up and get out of your car so you can go to work.

You’ve never cooked outside on a grill.  Better yet, you’ve never cooked.

You think all cars are yellow and have a light on top.

You think barbecue is a verb, not a noun.

Your momma spends more time in hockey locker rooms than your father’s bedroom.

You think okra is a talk show host.

You can be surrounded bye crime and “didn’t see a thing!!”

You didn’t know chickens layed eggs and cows produced milk.

You waste large amounts of money on a date, when all you had to do was ask.

You think Skoal is a form of punishment.

You Know You’re a Yankee When – Jokes #2

You Know You’re a Yankee if –

Your parents kicked you out of the house for being too polite.

You know everything and are offended by people who don’t.

You think Moon Shine is something romantic.

You can get into Canada without a passport.

You’ve never been to a flea market.

You love meat but hate hunters.

You think the Rebel flag is a symbol of racism.

You move out of the city to get away from all the problems only to realize you are the problem.

You’ve said the “F” word in front of your mother.

Your fellow yankees hate you so much you have to move to South Florida.

You think the rest of the country likes you.

You have a 10th grade education and still think you’re smarter than everyone else.

You think food from New Orleans is too spicy.

You think “greens” are part of a golf course.

You can’t whistle “Dixie”.  Heres a hint – Oh I wish I was in the land of cotton …

Pop is not your father.

The letter “R” is missing from your vocabulary unless the word begins with it.

You owe more money on your snowmobile that you do on your car.

You actually enjoy a hockey game and can name 4 teams from memory.

The word Eggplant confuses you enough to make you pull out your biology book.

You’ve shoveled snow in your yard and found a car.

You think Dunkin Donuts are good.

You don’t care who won the civil war.

You order tea and are surprised when it is served ice cold and sweet.

You don’t know who is carved into Stone Mountain.

Your schools don’t close when there is an inch of snow on the ground.

You know what “Lox” is and you still eat it.

You actually eat a fish called “Scrod”.

You don’t know kudzu from kung fu

You enjoy living in filth

The only kind of grass you’ve seen is the kind you smoke.

You prefer Bruce Springsteen to Bocephus.

The thought of eating scrapple doesn’t turn your stomach.

You talk real fast and charm real slow.

You think smog is a sky color.