Blonde Yankee / Northerner Jokes – Volume 1

A Yankee blonde went to an electronic store in Manhattan and asked, “How much is this TV ?”

The salesman said, “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes.”

The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes.”

The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, “Sorry we don’t sell to blondes.”

She replied, “I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde ?”

“Because that is not a TV, it’s a microwave.”

A blonde Yankee walked into a doctor’s office with two burnt ears. The doctor asked her, “What happened to your ear?” The blonde replied, “I was ironing my blouse and the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and put it to my ear.

 Stunned, the doctor asked, “Well, what happened to the other ear?”

 “The idiot called again!”

Three Yankee blondes were taking a walk in the woods when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, “Those must be deer tracks!”

The second blonde said, “No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!”

The third blondie said, “No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!”

They where still arguing when the train hit them.

A dumb Yankee blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair dyed so she would look like a brunette.

Once her hair was brown she decided to take a drive in the country.

After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

“Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!”

She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,

“If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?”

The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blond looked at the flock and guessed, “157.”

The farmer was amazed – she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.

“If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?”

It was snowing heavily and visibility was almost zero when a young Yankee blonde got off work in Jersey. She made her way to her car wondering how in the world she was going to make it home alive. She sat in her car for a while and finally remembered her daddy’s advice that if she ever got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it.

As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very proud as they continued weaving and turning down what would have been dangerous roads. After quite some time had passed the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and asked her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right since she had been following him for a long time.

The confused little yankee blonde said that she was ok and explained to him how her daddy had told her to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard. The driver replied that it was good advice and she could continue if she wanted but he was done with the WalMart parking lot and was going over to the K-Mart next.

There are three blondes from Long Island stranded on an island. Suddenly a genie appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish.

The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a red head and she swims off the island.

The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so the genie instantly turns her into a brunette and she builds a boat and sails off the island.

The third northern blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two.  The genie turns her into a southern girl, and she walks across the bridge.

A Minnesota blonde who got a fishing pole for Christmas decided to go ice fishing. Early in the morning she got all her gear together and headed out.

When she reached her destination she cut a hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: “There are no fish there”.

So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, then the same voice spoke again and told her “There are no fish there”.

So she moves again and the voice tells her the same thing again. She looks up and to her surprise see’s a man looking down at her.

“How do you know there are no fish there?” asks the little yankee blonde.

So the man cooly says “Well first of all, this is a hockey rink and secondly, you are going to have to pay for those holes.”

A blonde in Manhattan worked on the 80th floor of an office building. She was feeling ill and went to the human resources department to get checked out. They took here temperature and told her she had a high fever. Upon hearing this she immediately went to the elevator and hit the down button.

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night at her friends home in New Jersey. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science Questions.

Her question was, “If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?”

She thought for a little while and then asked, “Is it on or off?”

What do you call a smart yankee blonde? A golden retriever.

What is the difference between Elvis Presley and a smart blonde yankee? Elvis has been spotted.

Why don’t they give elevator jobs to yankee blondes? They get lost.

What do you call a yankee blonde on a college campus? A visitor. Or the grounds keeper.

Blonde Yankee / Northerner Jokes – Volume 2

Just when you thought it was finally over.  More yankee blonde jokes!

One day, a blonde from Massachusetts went to a ventriloquist show. During the show, the ventriloquist used his “dummy” to make fun of blondes. The crowd roared with laughter, but the blonde yankee was very angry.
Outraged, she stood up and said, “How dare you make fun of blondes! We have been through enough”
The ventriloquist replied saying, “Madam, I’m very sorry. But it’s just part of the act.”
The blonde screamed, “You shutup! I’m talking to the little man on your knee!”

Why do blondes in Boston work seven days a week? That way you don’t have to retrain them on Monday.

What does a  yankee from Manhattan make best for dinner? Reservations.

Why are yankee blondes unable to double recipes? Because their ovens will not go to 750 degrees.

A couple of blondes from Manhattan decided to go to Disney World. They were almost there and saw a sign that said “Disney Land Left”. So they went back home.

Why did the yankee blonde refuse to fax her resume? Because it was the only copy that she had.

As a Blonde Yankee was driving down the freeway, her phone rang. Answering she heard her fathers voice urgently warning her, “Honey, I just heard on the news that there is a driver going the wrong way on Highway 98. Please be careful !” “Daddy” she answered, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them.

Did you hear about the blonde yankee that was treated for a concussion in the emergency room? She tried to hang herself with a bungee cord.

Why does it take Yankees so long to build a blonde snowman? Because they have to hollow out the head.

Why did the yankee blonde climb over a chained link fence? Because she wanted to see what was on the other side.