You Know You’re a Yankee When – Jokes #1

You know you’re a Yankee if –

The farthest south you’ve been is the hat department at Macy’s.

You have a panic attack when someone talks to you on the subway.

You don’t know what Grits are.  (Even though they originated in New England.)

You think a Pole Cat is a dude that was born in Poland.

You have to get the last word in.  And it normally has 4 letters in it.

The last time you smiled was when you cut off an elderly woman in traffic.

You don’t wave back at people.  And your confused at why they would wave at you.  Some type of greeting perhaps?

Half of your vocabulary is made up of curse words.

You don’t think any of the jokes on this site are funny.

You own a collection of sweaters for your dog.

You eat fried chicken with a knife an fork.

The state you were born in or live in participated in the war of northern aggression.

You have never driven anywhere without using your horn.

You don’t understand why people in restaurants don’t talk as loud as you.

You consider being polite a weakness. 

You’ll hang up on someone but be offended if anyone turns their back to you.

You have no WD-40 or Duct Tape at your home.

You pull over to look at farm animals.

You think a Yankee is a baseball player.

Your son turns down an offer to drive for NASCAR to go to law school.

You call a single family home on a half acre a ranch.

You can’t do your laundry because you ran out of quarters.

All of your friends have only one first name.

It makes you angry that your parents are still alive.  And your kids feel the same way.

You buy an expensive car and then park it on the street.

You have had to ask a homeless person to wake up and get out of your car so you can go to work.

You’ve never cooked outside on a grill.  Better yet, you’ve never cooked.

You think all cars are yellow and have a light on top.

You think barbecue is a verb, not a noun.

Your momma spends more time in hockey locker rooms than your father’s bedroom.

You think okra is a talk show host.

You can be surrounded bye crime and “didn’t see a thing!!”

You didn’t know chickens layed eggs and cows produced milk.

You waste large amounts of money on a date, when all you had to do was ask.

You think Skoal is a form of punishment.

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