Practical Jokes and pranks to pull on Yankee and Northerner Neighbors.
In our previous article we went through the nightmare scenario of having a Yankee move into your neighborhood. This is especially problematic in suburban environments but can be an issue even in rural or farm areas. For farms you just want to make sure you hide the sheep.
In neighborhoods you are going need to deal with this situation swiftly before the property appraiser does a reassessment. The goal is to have the Yankee either move back up north or to a holding area in Southern Florida where they can live out the rest of their life in peace among their own kind.
Here are some simple things you can do to a Northerner that are guaranteed to send them packing. Note – harassment or damaging someones property is obviously illegal and can get you into trouble. Remember that Yankees love to sue people. (Disclaimer – these are meant to be jokes to read and laugh at only.)
Attend services at your local Mormon, Seventh Day Adventist and Jehovahs Witnesses Churches. Fill out a visitors card with your Yankee neighbors name, address and telephone number. Yankees start out angry but a few friendly visits from your local cults should drive them over the edge.
Place an ad on craigslist and your local free paper advertising a 1972 Cadillac Bonneville with 20 inch rims and two tone metallic purple paint. Runs like new. The price would be $900 obo. The phone number would, of course, be your Yankee neighbors. A few calls each hour from prospective buyers should make your neighbor go ballistic.
Take a childs toy that makes electronic sounds and pull out the electronics. Wrap them up and activate the noise so it plays continuously. Throw it either into the bushes or on the roof near your Yankee neighbors bedroom window. It should slowly drive them out of their mind.
Get out your local paper and also go to craigslist and buy every rabbit that you can find. Keep your price per rabbit to about $6-$8. Purchase as many as you can and let them out in your Yankee neighbors front yard. Then throw carrots and rabbit food into their yard each night. The rabbits will for the most part be unseen in the day but will come out at night. Yankees hate anything cuddly and cute so it will drive them crazy and they will not know where the rabbits came from. Now, call animal control and complain.
Take a photograph of your Yankee neighbors house and place yet another ad on craigslist in the room for rent section. Make it a pay by the week plan and keep the price low. Utilities and wireless internet included. Put the address and say that prospects can come by anytime. Remember, discrimination is illegal so make sure to include all nationalities.
Go to a local hunting store and purchase skunk oil. What you do with it is your business not mine.
I have heard of people placing small blocks of wood behind peoples tires. When they go to back out of their driveway the car does not move. Drives them crazy.
Tossing bread crumbs and bird seed in their front yard will attract tons of birds but will be mostly invisible to the neighbor. They will just see the birds. Nuts will also attract squirrels. This will drive some Yankees crazy but may possibly amuse others. Worth a try.
Whatever you do. Do not make a German Swastika in their yard using Round Up. That would be illegal.
You can put Vaseline on door knobs and car doors. This is especially cruel when the person is coming home drunk which many Yankees do as they try to drown their personalities.
Make them a batch of caramel covered onions. They will look just like apples but with quite a different taste.
Sprinkle garlic powder in their shoes. They will be brushing their teeth for a week trying to freshen their breath.
Adjust their sprinklers so that they hit the windows of the house. Simple but effective.
A simple ad in the craigslist personal section can be very effective. Your Yankee neighbor will enjoy the phone calls from prospective dates. But be careful. It may make them stay longer.
Tie string across their driveway or across the street. This is very harmless but seems to drive people crazy. I don’t know why.
Tie a string to a realistic looking stuffed animal. Place the animal on the other side of the street with you hiding across the street. When your neighbor comes down the street pull the stuffed animal into their path. You can even put a water balloon filled with fake blood inside the animal for a cool effect.
Whatever you do. Do NOT take a garbage can 3/4 full of water an lean it against your Yankee neighbors front door. Then do not knock on that door at midnight.
Collect all the garage door openers that you find. Each night, set the switches to different setting and try them on your Yankee neighbors garage door. You will eventually get a match. Once you do just open their door at 3 am each morning. They won’t know whether they left it open or what.
At 2 am load up their front yard with furniture, boxes of cloths, toys, household goods, etc.. Then put some garage sale signs out.
Don’t purchase live mice at your local pet store and do not put them anywhere near a Yankees house or car. This would really freak someone out.
Purchase a fake but realistic rubber snake. Toss the snake on your neighbors front porch. When they come out to get the paper won’t they be surprised. They will just laugh and laugh.